I had written about something that went wrong in my last post. Now the getting away part.
After I had graduated college, I had moved to California. I got to visit here with my cousin at the age of 19 all summer and fell in love. I went back to finish school with the firm intent to move to California upon graduating. Luckily for me, I had two job offers.
Some 17 or 18 years later I was married. My cousin had married into a large family whom I had lived with a few months while apartment hunting a few years earlier. I had wanted my cousin to come for Thanksgiving but with her came all the in-laws, too.
My dinner table for Thanksgiving
I was having the clan over for Thanksgiving. In all, there would be 21 people. Our home couldn’t seat 21 at the dining room table but I had a table in the kitchen too. I created two beautiful tables and decided to buy two smaller turkeys, one for each table so each table had their own turkey.
It was easy to do because we have a professional two oven Wolf stove. I had most everything under control. I can’t remember why my sister’s in-laws had to stop by the house that day. They were picking up something to take to my sister’s in Ohio. When she saw that I had two turkeys, she was flabbergasted. She didn’t stop talking about this for years. She thought I was being over indulgent or something to that effect by having two turkeys. She never understood my reasoning of two smaller birds for one big bird. I rarely saw them so I chalked it up to weird people and moved forward with dinner.
This is where it got away from me. I forgot that my cousin’s mother-in-law did things without thinking of consequences or notifications. She brought an unexpected guest! And I had no place to put him and that was my undoing!
We got him a place to eat. We must have found a chair and squeezed him in. However, back then I was not the person I am today. Anger was my first, middle and last name. I angered easily and held on to it a long time and everyone knew it. I was angry and upset and I let it ruin my holiday. Somehow, we got through it all.
However, we never again had 21 over for Thanksgiving. Nowadays, I simply don’t want to do all that work. We either make a dish and go to where we are invited. Or we simplify the meal and make us a holiday dinner at home.
Holidays don’t hold the same panache for me anymore. I think any day you can have dinner with your loved ones is just as important, if not more so, as the legal holidays. It used to mean the world to me until circumstances took it away from us. That’s when I learned that your perspective on how you view situations, holidays, traditions, etc can make you happy or miserable. I chose to be happy.
How about you? How do you feel if you must have a holiday dinner alone or with your loved one only? How do you feel about all the hype about gathering together to celebrate that is shouted from radio, tv, print and internet?
To me, everyday is a holiday, and I don’t stress over big dinner parties for holidays. Either we’re invited and take 1 dish, or we enjoy a simple dinner for 2. It’s stress-free and full of love and joy. 🙂
That’s a lovely attitude. You are fortunate to have those thoughts and beliefs. Mine were hard to come by! I believed the hype. Thanks for commenting. May yours always be full of love and joy!
Oh if only we knew then what we know now!
How adamant we are and how rigid! I learned many years ago that you have to go with the flow. One more? Sure! three more? Sure (throw some more water in the soup, put some more rice on to cook.) I probably learned this because my mom was very rigid and let anything that was not planned for ruin her day. I was on the way to becoming that person also and had to adjust!
I think your idea of two smaller turkeys was brilliant!
I think that so many of the holidays have lost their meaning because of the media hype. They have become stress filled days that are driven by $$$. I refuse to be taken in by that and will enjoy whatever comes my way – a gathering that I cook for, a gathering that I take one dish to, or enjoying a meal at home with my dog and cats! The joy is having the day! ♥
Yes, I know. What we didn’t know. I had to so be in control of everything. And yet I’ve always wanted anyone to feel welcome. Talk about making me feel schizoid! The holidays are way too commercialed, I agree. And now they’ve added that you need all this really great cookware and the tables settings. Sometimes, the simpler things are the best. Love you. Yes, the joy is having the day whenever that is, too.
When we left NY 10 years ago we left our huge extended family and T’giving dinners that often had 20-30 at my cousin’s house. She did construction in her home just to widen the passage between dining room and living room so she could run one big table through the house. I miss those gatherings deeply (find myself getting teary as I type this) and the family and friends brought together on those special days. Now we’re usually “just us – 5 or 6 maximum, which is good but not the same. Thanks for sharing.
Then maybe one year we should combine! Then we will have 7- 8. I can easily seat that. I have seated 12 comfortably since we took the wall out upstairs. I love the gatherings that are that large if someone else is hosting. It’s just too much work. And if you have a large family to help carry the load, then that works too. Yes, now and then we join the family at their houses. In fact, this year we are joining one daughter. Not sure how many she is having. Maybe 8-10 maybe? We are bringing a dish and they are shaking it up a bit and our granddaughter is making apple strudel. Change is afoot!