Know Your Own Essence -Ignore opinions.
Due to lack of time this last week, I couldn’t do the research for my blog series on scientific experiments conducted on Reconnective Healing. Yet life has a way of bringing things to your attention.
Are you aware how often we judge? We hear an opinions about ourselves from another. If we do nothing, just listen to the opinion and go about our life, we are not judging. However, if we evaluate it in any way, we are judging.
Mostly we are judging whether it’s true or not and depending on what was said, we either feel great or we feel awful. And sometimes we even get angry if we really don’t like what was said and can’t stand the thought that we are whatever was said. That is a lot of negative emotions.
So let’s look at it a different way maybe. So what is an opinion? According to Wikipedia, the definition of opinion is : In general, an opinion is a subjective belief, and is the result of emotion or interpretation of facts.
A person other than ourselves is looking at us. They can’t really truly know us at our deepest level because they can’t be in our heads, our hearts or our souls. True? Now this person has voiced an opinion about us. That opinion came from their thoughts based on their observations, their belief systems and their experiences, none of which has anything to do with us.
When we know how our own thought processes can make us crazy, do we really think that others don’t have that same issue? So why listen to anyone other than ourselves about who and what we are? Others opinions of us are none of our business. They are subjective meaning a person’s personal perspective, feelings, beliefs, desires or discovery.
Let’s give ourselves a break and when we hear an opinion of ourselves, let’s remind ourselves that the other person is telling us a story, nothing more. It is a story they believe and they just have this overriding need to share! Listen and discard.
The word “opinion” here is so much less heavy than “judgment”! How true, that people only tell a story, but it can be hard to remember that if we feel something negative coming our way (although the idea that it’s negative may be OUR story!) I work hard to eliminate the negative thinking that can distort my perspective, whether in speaking to others or receiving their words. This is a good way to start a Monday–aiming for a week free of distorted and negative thoughts.
Judy SG
The Reflective Writer
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com
Personal-Professional Balance Through Writing
You are so right on. Sometimes it is our story when we hear their story and then we grab it and run with it. I had a weekend of this stuff being in my face and yet I wrote this before I encountered so much that I had to deal with and much of it being my own thinking and judging. Huge lessons and I’m beginning to see the benefit and grow from it!
I enjoyed your discussion of the old adage, “Walk a mile in my shoes!” Relationships are tricky due to their intersubjective nature and seeing oneself through the eyes or mind of another is also an important piece of the relationship puzzle. It’s a relief when we can just let some things go by without letting them set up house in our mind. Sometimes easier said then done!
Yes, relationship are tricky and so often we forget to remember who we are in that relationship to remain ourselves and know that the one we love may see us differently than we see ourselves. And it is easier said than done!
Or not… If you’re jerk, I think you should listen and heed. It could be for your betterment. But, I know what you’re saying… just jerkin’ your chain.
Well, it is just your opinion so with that I’ll accept it as your view and go about my business! LOL! Go ahead and jerk!
What a great post! An opinion is so subjective and reflects the person who is expressing the opinion – so true. Plus, definitely none of our business! 🙂
I think it is easier said than done and a lesson we should all re-visit often. It would certainly make for a more positive outlook daily and I know that for me it’s an ongoing goal.
♥♥♥ .
Yes, and yet we so quickly accept another’s opinion of us as truth, especially from the parents. It’s a learned trait that can be unlearned. And it takes work and I get caught up in more than I care to admit at times!
This can be a very hard lesson for we artists to learn I think. Art that we create is very subjective and will not be appreciated by everyone who experiences it and it is so important for us the artist to not take that personally. Our first and formost audience needs to be ourselves. All others are extra.
I think I really learned this by doing lot’s of art fairs and shows. Some people would be very excited about the work and others would just walk past and not be interested. I create because I need to. I share with others because that is part of the process. Some will like it or be touched by it and some will not and that is fine with me.
For me, I began to realize that art is subjective. There are art styles that do not appeal to me at all so why would we expect anyone else to like everything we do? I’m concerned more with opinions about us personally that others are so very willing to share as if it’s true, i.e. we are kind, selfish, greedy, insensitive, overbearing, etc.
Art is another whole ball of wax. I may not like things that I regard as having no harmony or beauty yet I can admire great technique in those pieces if it has it. I learned a big lesson a couple of years ago when my stepdaughter passed. She made the most amazing quilts and her father said to me: Kim made quilts that she loved. It didn’t matter to her if they sold. I need to create what I love and if it doesn’t sell or appeal to others, I still created something wonderful that I enjoy.
Thanks for the reminder, Julieanne. You bring up an interesting point — that we often fail to distinguish between opinion and fact. We’re too willing to accept an opinion as true, especially in an ambiguous situation. And we’re too willing to take an opinion personally, rather than regard it as “just some more information”, like it or not. In my music, in my sales work, in just about everything I do, I benefit from developing a “thick skin”. NOT to enable me to disregard opinions I disagree with, but rather to welcome more information and consider all sides of every story. Pursuing the Truth, I can always learn something new.
I tell my clients to live their lives to the fullest and to just be themselves. “So why listen to anyone other than ourselves about who and what we are? Others opinions of us are none of our business.” Exactly! We often waste so much time and cause ourselves unnecessary stress over other people’s opinions. Usually there opinion isn’t even their own, it’s just something they took on from other people. Great post Julieanne!
Thanks, @facebook-100000576889922:disqus . What also happens (knowing this from experience), is your interpretation of what they say often includes assumptions that are incorrect, adding fuel to the fire of your thoughts that make you crazier which results in feelings that include hurt, upset and anger! It’s truly a vicious cycle.
What’s the saying? Your opinion of me is none of my business? You are right, it’s all a story. In fact everything is a story. We write our own story, stories of others, they of us. Once we remember that it becomes easier to live by the agreement to not take things personally. Easier I say, as it’s not always easy – something that we need to work on continually.
Louise Edington
The Networking Naturopath
http://louiseedington.com