Paying attention to your thoughts is so important. It affects your emotions, your feelings and what happens in your life. It’s the run away mind that can wreck much havoc in your life.
In addition, have you considered how you talk to your friends when you get together? Are you complaining about things that happen in your life that you don’t find pleasing? Are you aware when you do that, you are drawing more of that to you? Are you a captive of your own complaining? You are designing your own life whether you believe it or not.
I couldn’t meet up with a friend one day and I was so angry. I decided that I could talk to myself about what I had wanted to talk with her. As soon as I started talking to myself, I immediately saw what I was doing and stopped the conversation! I was all set to do the gripe and complain about parts of my life!
Yet I wouldn’t have seen it had we met and talked. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. Most of my conversations with people at networking or socially is pretty upbeat. There are a few people I feel comfortable enough to vent. Venting can be okay. It’s the griping, complaining, unhappy with this situation parts that are not okay.
What can be discussed? I could state the parts as areas I am working on to improve. I can look for the gift in those situations and maybe ask if they can see how this situation is a benefit to me that I’m not allowing myself to see.
Maybe what I need to do is ask for brainstorming sessions on areas that need improving. Or brainstorm on looking for the gold in every situation.
What do you do when things don’t go your way? When a disappointment happens, are you accepting of it? Do you see it as a blessing or do you choose to allow yourself to get upset over it?
Our own worst critic are we? Proving you are human? Amazing how those old habits sneak up on us sometimes. I’m glad you were able to stop the madness.
Sue Bock
http://couragetoadventurecoaching.wordpress.com
It’s funny how I sometimes think. I know this stuff and I shouldn’t be one to succumb so easily. And yet our egos/mistaken identity can sneak something right past us. Yes, we are all too human and sometimes I expect too much from me! LOL
Love it. I tell myself and my children all the time-we can always choose to be (happy, peaceful, serene). I’m so glad I jumped on the SNCC bandwagon. I’m loving the new blogs and writers I’ve met. Yours is a voice I need to hear in my ear.
Thanks.
Peace and good to you-Chelle
Thank you so much, Chelle. I’m looking forward to reading yours. Life is a journey of self-discovery and sometimes it’s so hard to see what we are doing. We can be masters of self deception!
Interesting that I just responded to a FB post with exactly this same concept and lessons I learned. Basically, what I said there was that for me, I learned that I HAVE to move on from complaining to keep my sanity. I used this example that several years ago, I was burglarized which was the final act of a long drawn out neighbor thingy. The story behind the whole situation culminating with the burglary was absolutely amazing and I was telling it, complaining and pity partying and people were blown away by the story… until I realized that by re-telling it over and over (no matter how amazing it was) I was stuck in the mire of that story and it was sitting on my shoulder always on my mind, and I was feeling oh-so-bad, and it was eating at my gut, and I was not moving on. So, I stopped telling the story and boy, have I felt better since I did that. I can hardly remember the names of those ppl involved because I’ve totally withdrawn my attention to it. There are so many other, more positive places to put my attention.
I’ve even started moving away from people who are gossiping about other people (and that’s hard, because I love gossip…!) but it is just perpetuating the whole aspect of the gossiping and complaining.
Great post Julieanne about a great subject. More people should be aware of how much their complaining/re-telling is just keeping all that around you.
Candace Davenport
http://www.ourlittlebooks.com ~ Little Books with a Big Message
I have one friend whom I limit contact with because of her complaining. I don’t want to be in that energy. I think that complaining (the best word is “kvetching”!) permeates whatever space you are in. Fortunately, one great antidote to any temptation to complain is gratitude.
I have come to understand how powerful our thoughts are and also how we have the ability to change our thoughts, which in turn changes our feelings and outlook. Of course when I’m struggling, my best avenue is writing (probably no surprise there). I do like the idea of looking for alternative ways to be with a friend when complaining threatens to take over. We don’t have to fall prey to others’ complaining or our own!
I have the same problem. I’ve heard some people say they may ask the complainer, so what’s good in your life? And don’t give up. If they say nothing, ask if they are breathing easy, are they eating good food? Or simply state, I need more positive talk right now because of where I am. Let’s find something fun to talk about because I just seem to require it right now! Let’s report back to each other on whether it works!
I love thinking about this issue, because I think some issues need vent time as a way to release and allow room for new problem solving. Not allowing for that moment of sadness, resentment anger to “be a better person” can backfire as those emotions need to be felt to be released. So the question I always ask myself is how long? especially if I begin to drop into some kind of victim mind set. As for being with people who compain a lot, maybe we need an egg time and that’s all they get 😉
OMG, I read the egg timer and burst into laughter! I just heard the other day that the negative emotions come up sometimes when we are ready to move forward so acknowledge them, feel them and release them without judging them. Just notice them, allow them to be there and in allowing them, they can easily be released. When we judge the emotions, we create more problems. If we judge them to be bad, we don’t want them and can start beating up on ourselves. Whereas if we just allow them to be for the moment, notice them and just release them without attaching any judgement to them, they can move out sooner to give more room for the newer things coming in. What do you think?
Thanks for this wonderful post, Julieanne. Your thoughts, AND those of your commenters, are both refreshing and eye-opening. We all have developed ways to cope with (and help) our friends who burden themselves (and us) with complaining. I hope we’re clear-eyed enough to recognize, as you did, when we join that miserable group. Cheers!