A Facebook friend, Rowena Starling, wrote a blog last week about kids pushing your buttons and that you can desensitize your buttons so that you don’t react to the kids.
Well, the last couple of days because of the holidays and a few other things that have happened, I had several buttons pushed that I thought were gone. It was interesting to see me reacting to them. I was judging my situation as bad.
Find the Beauty in Life
At one point I was ready to completely collapse into tears and I found myself looking at the emotions coming up. I realized I could collapse into the crying and have a self pity party or I could question what was going on in my thoughts to derail the pity train.
A few questions later, a few more observations and then looking forward to a fun gathering derailed the pity train. I was back enjoying the journey of life choosing to be happy with what is instead of looking at a how it could be if my test scenarios were to happen.
So what causes us to look at others, compare our situation to theirs and find ours wanting? We can’t possible know what truly is going on in others’ lives, yet we convince ourselves that they have it better. Sounds rather silly when it’s put this way.
Do you compare your life to others’ lives? If so, do you come out on top or on the bottom? And what do you do to turn that around so you are just fine exactly where you are?
I love the way you use “Pushing buttons” yes i also zone out when my little one pushes one and i wonder what others do that make their life seem flawless.. but then i remember that its not flawless that they cope differently and never tell their friends about it! thanks for posting this i needed to hear it 🙂
We all need to hear it, @facebook-1460735893:disqus . The soaps, the media, the commercials all subject us to these images of an idyllic life. Maybe an occasion now and then will be close to idyllic but most have their dips and curves and turnarounds. How we handle each of those is far more important than anything else. I find that when I question my thoughts or ask what I am judging, it helps me to turn it all around. We are all mirrors for each other. When we judge another, remember you are seeing some aspect of you as well.
Pity train. I love that. I’m going to try and remember that when I’m huffing and puffing up those Team in Training hills I’m putting myself on these days.
I really love Byron Katie’s advice and that is to ask is it really so when we feel like caving into pity or despair. We too often live by our stories that are not even true.
I love Byron Katie. I use her questions and questioning the judgments to see what I am seeing in another that I don’t want to face within myself. Helps me deflate those emotions pretty nicely. Stories can be treacherous. Best to accept what is and enjoy that part of the journey!
Good catch, Julieanne! It’s such a good practice to ask yourself curious questions and make choices about how/where you put your focus.
Thanks, @VickiDelloJoio:disqus ! It’s a constant vigil. It all was so surprising to me because these particular buttons have long been dormant. Guess the Universe felt I needed another lesson!
Whoa, you caught me off guard there. Try being a nurse. Always criticizing ourselves when someone else makes a comment. I’ve gotten better in deflecting comments such as by not taking them personally, still, they can sneak in when you’re tired or in a vulnerable place. No pity train for me.
Sue Bock
http://bestlifeafterbreastcancer.com
http://couragetoadventure.com
http://couragetoadventurecoaching.wordpress.com
I too was telling myself to not take things personally. It seemed I was being bombarded so maybe there was something underneath it all that was bringing it all up. It’s a good reminder, @facebook-1424820328:disqus to remember that someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. And to remember that it is their perception or how they read themselves in you. It truly has nothing to do with you whatsoever! We are all too hard on ourselves. I think we need to treat ourselves as a wonderful loving being and that will help us treat others that way too! Change starts with ourselves!
I too was telling myself to not take things personally. It seemed I was being bombarded so maybe there was something underneath it all that was bringing it all up. It’s a good reminder, @facebook-1424820328:disqus to remember that someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. And to remember that it is their perception or how they read themselves in you. It truly has nothing to do with you whatsoever! We are all too hard on ourselves. I think we need to treat ourselves as a wonderful loving being and that will help us treat others that way too! Change starts with ourselves!
I know when I feel like I’m going to collapse into self-denigration or despair it’s a sign I’m really out of balance. Emotions taking on a life of their own, telling me stories that aren’t true… Often it’s a sign I’m too tired, haven’t given myself enough time to breathe and recoup, or have forgotten to embrace my life with gratitude. I know this state will happen some of the time, so I try to be on the lookout and recalibrate as needed. (Sometimes that’s easier said that done…)
Judy
The Reflective Writer
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com
Personal-Professional Balance Through Writing
Of course, you would so totally get this, @google-e4b8a5d11c59bf9b9762f4bd9828c22c:disqus ! We have been in sync for many blog posts! LOL! Yes, I was out of balance and I hadn’t gone in awhile. It’s always a good reminder and It helps us understand and have empathy with others! We are all that path. For some reason I have found myself doing more comparisons creating this environment. Maybe I’m on the threshold of a new step up and the ego is fighting to hang on. It will be interesting to see what unfolds.
I’ve certainly experienced that, Julieanne – suddenly finding myself more resistant, depressed, or otherwise imbalanced, right before I’m about to advance in some way. Hope you are moving through the space, whatever it is.
Comparisons. Evil little things if we let them be, and I think whether we come out on top or on the bottom depends on our frame of mind at the time. I wrote a little about how I feel about comparing myself to others in this blog post http://brendamjones.com/top-5-lessons-i-learned-from-mary-poppins/. I find myself making up what I *think* others are thinking of me. Like you said below, what other people think of me is none of my business. I think I’m better at not telling myself these stories, but I still have days when they can stop me in my tracks.
I so understand. I think we do it because we doubt our innate brilliance or we get bombarded by negative thinking from our society and those around us. We so want to belong but I’m wondering at times about being around certain people until I can maintain my positiveness no matter what is going on around me. The comparison judging crops up so readily because we are fed it from ads, TV shows, novels, articles. It’s so pervasive in our society. Until we all want collaboration and not competition, this will continue. Competition pits one against the other! Oh dear, you got me on the soapbox! I’ll step down now. But you get what I mean!
Our experience molds us into who we are. What I’ve found to be interesting is to notice how memories begin to shift with time, along with assigned meanings. I’m grateful to be less reactive today than in the past although there will always be issues that will surface related to early developmental needs that went unmet. Good for you for stepping back, giving yourself time to reassess what was going on!
Yes, I too am glad to be less reactive. Thus I was surprised this weekend to find myself reacting. Maybe it was the full moon!
Heeyyy Babe! Thanks for the honorable mention! I LOVE it! Shared you to both Tw & FB. As to your question, I tend to put myself on the bottom in a comparison. Our self esteem issues grow a lot (or not) from our childhoods. Tip: Don’t ever be a child.
I want to still remain childlike, to have fun and be like the child in that they have their emotions and then they are over them. They can get mad and in five minutes be your best friend again. And to be in awe and see everything as brand new and exciting!
Wow this is a good one. I had an ah ha a while back during one of my fitness challenges and I realized I was trying to get the results of someone else. After figuring this out I let it go and just focused on what results were coming for me and if I didnt approve of them I could change it. I think awareness is the biggest step to neutralizing the judgemental situation.
Yes, I agree. Awareness is huge and in being aware you can change how you react to anything that happens in your life.
It’s so hard not to compare yourself to others, isn’t it? It’s such a basic, primal human thing to do… it always seems as if the grass is always greener. We all know that the grass really isn’t any better than ours, don’t we? Is it judgement our jealousy? Both? Interesting and honest, my sweet friend!
I think it’s judgment that can end up in our feeling jealous if we judge that their situation is better than ours. The truth is we really have no clue what goes on in anyone else’s life. We all put our best face forward for the world and hide some stuff under the rug! Yet in our comparisons, we rarely think that others do the same! It’s always good to question our thoughts!