Cool Lady Ginger
Have you ever stopped to think about this? The difference between being sad and feeling sad? You may say there is no difference. But I believe you are wrong. What brought all this up? I see posts where people respond to something tragic with “I am sad” or “This makes me sad” and we accept that so easily.
We don’t stop to think of the word “being”. Being means “the nature or essence of a person” according to Wikipedia. The free on-line dictionary says it’s “The state or quality of having existence”.
Feeling is an emotion. The definition of feeling is “an emotional state or reaction”. Emotions normally only last 90 seconds unless we feed them to make them last longer. Have you ever been angry at someone and the more you think about it, the angrier you get? You know what I’m talking about.
Words spoken or in thought are very powerful. If one accepts that situations cause us to “be sad”, “be angry”, be whatever, then it becomes a state of being. Yet if we just change those words to “I feel sad” or “that makes me feel sad”, it’s an entirely different thing. Because emotions don’t last long without being fed.
If we recognize this difference, we can be happy and still feel sad over a situation. What chance is there to be happy if we choose to be sad?
It’s a distinction I think worth exploring. Watch what you say or think. See what you automatically think.
Are you accepting uncomfortable feelings for a short-term or the long-term? How do you automatically react to sad or tragic events?
Thought-provoking article, Julieanne.
Hmmm…it posted before I was finished. ..or rather, I posted it without realizing. I enjoyed the distinction between being and feeling, as it enables us to come back to the center, back to the being from the feeling. Something in there about uncomfortable feelings vs ones that are comfortable. Do you feel each bears exploring as well?
I needed time to answer your question. And I didn’t get one. Then as I sat to respond, I realized I had an answer. Feelings are good in that they give us an indication of where we are. Sometimes, if we are very comfortable, it could mean we are not challenging ourselves and pushing past the boundaries, facing some fears. And it could also mean, you are accepting what is and feeling great, too. I believe introspection is always good. I’m a great one to get comfortable without pushing into those things I fear. I eventually do. There is something within me that won’t let me sit back too long. Thank you for commenting and making me think further about this.
It’s always great to hear your perspectives from the WHOLE brain Julieanne! It’s good to know I can “be happy” even if a few clouds of sadness float by.
I never thought of myself as thinking from the whole brain. Maybe I do. Caryn Chow also says I thing from the whole brain. Maybe that is good. It shows integration. I was so left brained for many years and fearful. I do have strong logic which I need to overcome with trust, love, desire and imagination to see things as they can be as if it is now and not in the future. Thank you for commenting and teaching me about myself in the process.
I think it is super important to recognize the difference between the two. One is moment to moment and allows for transition between temporary states while the other feels total and all encompassing and sort of final. I know that I don’t choose to give that kind of total power of being to any one single emotion because it is through the variety that I am getting to know me.
Yes, and yet there are times, those old habits get in there and suspend the moment by moment. Had one of those today. But now it only lasts 15-30 minutes instead of days! Progress! Thank you for your take on this.
Thanks for the distinction and you reinforce how important it is to be aware of the words we speak and the thoughts we think ♡
It is important and sometimes I get tired being vigilant until I get myself into a state I don’t like! I wonder if we can ever get to this consciousness and have it be more automatic?
Julieanne, your last two sentences resonated most but before I go there, I would like to add that usage of “I’m broke” vs. I’m poor” because in working with women entrepreneurs it’s a phrase I hear all the time. While “being” “broke” is a temporary state of mind, “being” “poor” is a self-programmed meme that if not addressed attaches to the mindset quickly.
Having been more right brain-reactive most of my life I have learned to utilize the whole brain over the past few years. It was prevalent in two areas of my life: 1) learning to “respond”, rather than “react”; and 2) learning dance choregraphy. I always wondered why I would immediately gravitate towards the right side of the room facing the mirror (with my instructor was to the left of me). Noticing I did this every time, one day I took to the othre side and noticed that while picking up the steps came slower, my movement was freer! Now I stand somewhere behind the instructor, and it has created a win-win.
As far as “uncomfortable feelings” go, depending on the event in question, these feelings no longer linger long term (as in years) but rather have a shelf life of 1/3x as I now practice zen living which has paved the way for spiritual enlightenment and present-moment living.
Caryn Chow, Flight My Fire
Writer, Speaker, Media Personality
http://www.carynchow.com
Hi Julianne, interesting point–I will have to ponder this…
Thank you. Hope you will share your ponderings!
“Emotions normally only last 90 seconds unless we feed them to make them last longer.”…This is such a powerful and true statement. I know so many people who stew in the sadness or other emotions and it definitely grows. I like the distinction, thank you!
Yes and nothing you say will make them break it. They just say but whatever they did over and over. Thanks for commenting.
I see people languish in anger unnecessarily, but I’m not so sure we should dismiss sadness so readily. Some sadness helps us grieve, let go of things, understand the realities before us. I don’t see sadness as necessarily bad but part of the human experience. I would give it more than 90 seconds – or perhaps I should say I would create room for the sadness to take what it needs and to make sure there’s an exit point for it, too.
Judy, I’m not advocating limiting your emotions to 90 seconds in the case of sadness or other emotion that needs to be expressed. I am advocating that you can BE happy while FEELING sad or whatever emotion that comes up for you, let’s say. Then you have an exit from the emotion. Whereas when people talk about being sad, it becomes their state of being and they can continue in that longer than may be good for them. I remember how the old Italian women would be after their husbands died. Everything became black for them including their clothes!
Makes sense. I think I can feel sad and be many other ways of experiencing at the same time. Having an exit is such a powerful way of viewing it.
I fed into being angry after a turbulent life event (divorce) many years ago. You are so right, once I let myself feel angry, but not be consumed with being angry, that big ol’ don’t mess with me neon light across my forehead lost it’s power.
I so understand that. I was angry for most of my life, from the time I was a young woman. I was anger and only now and then would I be something else. I like it much better this way. I would rather visit anger or sadness and return as quickly as I can to happiness or comfort or contentment or gratitude.
Yes. THIS is our ‘primary exercise’. We must monitor ourselves moment to moment least we buy some crap.
Rowena, I must thank you. I read this comment first thing this morning and it made me burst into laughter! Thank you for that! Love your succinctness!
Interesting post! Since emotions normally last 90 seconds unless they are fed to last
longer this only shows that emotions are indeed controllable. How do you deal
with the negative feelings that pop up?
Negative feelings are generated by negative thoughts. I question my thoughts using Byron Katie’s The Work. Is that thought true? You can only answer yes or no with no conditions attached. If you answer yes, then ask Is it ABSOLUTELY true? again only yes or no ONLY answer. Check it out. but sometimes just asking those two questions will help stop the feelings because thoughts that are being questioned lose their power. Most of our thoughts are recycled, they are not our own. I will also change my thoughts if I’m feeling negative. I will find a better feeling thought or find something to read that will uplift me or something that makes me laugh. We can control our thoughts which generates the feelings so we can control how we feel. Happiness is a choice. It’s not something we have to earn.