Follow your heart
I was raised to fear God. Fear him if I didn’t do exactly what I was told by the priests, teachers and parents. Even when the commands were conflicting. I never questioned much about God then. At least I don’t remember questioning anything about God then. I was too frightened to question it.
Then one summer I came to California during the summer months between my college sophomore and junior years to take care of my cousin’s son while they worked. Cushy job. Evenings and weekends I could do as I pleased and they even lent me their car. I was a goody two shoes, so no shenanigans, going to the beach and parties, going out dancing. I was trusted and I didn’t want to betray that trust. It was the first time anyone had ever trusted me.
One Saturday as we sat on the patio in the warm California sun, we were having a philosophical discussion. My cousin’s husband asked me if I believed that we were the only civilization in the universe. I was rather startled at my response but I said that I just didn’t believe that we could be the only ones. It was arrogant to think that in this vast universe, we were it. I was so sure that we couldn’t be the only ones.
Then he said “What if we landed on another planet and we found another civilization but they didn’t have a Jesus Christ?” To this day, I don’t know why that question caused everything to unravel in my head, but it did. In a few seconds, I didn’t believe in religion anymore. In fact, I didn’t believe in God or Jesus Christ.
I went through a phase of being an atheist, then an agnostic to then becoming a deist. A deist believes in a God but not in religion. Even though I believed in God, I couldn’t use the term anymore. I would use the word Universe to mean God.
And now after many years, I’m returning to use the word God. But this time, God represents an all-knowing, all-loving, all-compassionate being. God loves us no matter what we do or say. Yes, even those that are in jail are loved by God. We have made God to have human attributes, to be judgmental and spiteful. God could not be vengeful for me. God loves with unconditional love and he loves everyone. Skin color makes no difference. It’s just a set of clothes for our souls. Race is just another form of separation, nothing more, as is sexual orientation.
Must you believe like me? No. However, I do want the freedom to believe like me. Having been an atheist and an agnostic, I understand why some turn to that. I’ve come to a belief system now that helps me see what many consider an injustice or tragedy with an open mind and an open heart. I can’t explain why they happen, but I also can’t judge them. I don’t have the vision or knowledge of the big picture.
I’m getting used to saying the word God again replacing my vision and characteristics of God to one I am comfortable with. I also don’t see God as being outside of me, a deity separate from me or any of you. I see God as the One from which everything sprang and to which we all return. And I see us as something similar to what a sun ray is to the Sun, we are to God.
God is everywhere, within us and around us. I don’t think there is an easy way to describe this. But I don’t need to describe it. It’s my belief. And I’m happy to be returning to God.
Namaste! The God in me honors the God in you.
Have you had a similar struggle? Did you ever question what you were taught?
Julieanne Case came from a left brained world, having been a computer programmer who worked on the Apollo missions and, due to circumstances orchestrated by the God, joined the growing ranks of the right brained world starting in 2001. She became an energy healing practitioner in 2004 and has studied various techniques. She is a Reconnective Healing Pracitioner, a Reconnective Artist, and a blogger. She assists you in reconnecting you to your original blueprint, your essence, your joy and your well being! ©Copyright Julieanne Case 2013
Nice.
Thanks, Freda. I appreciate you taking the time to read this! Mwah!
How wonderful a journey, how beautifully described! I think that it’s really important that we have the ability to question and reason and come to a satisfactory decision as to how we are going to embrace or understand religion. Many people do not really question, many just absorb the teachings and make them their own; others follow journeys such as yours!
This is a wonderful piece Julieanne! Thank you for sharing it! ♥
Thank you, @LisaValero:disqus. It was a journey and at times I felt so lost. Yet I feel so much more peace now. And that is worth it all! Thank you for commenting.
You’ve been on quite a journey! I think this search for a sense of who/what G-d might be and where that fits in our world view is lifelong for many of us. I come from a religious background where we don’t have particularly concrete ideas about G-d. The truth is considered unknowable, although certain factions always believe they have a handle on the truth. I’ve been through many phases myself, and it’s taken a while to really give myself permission to trust some inner sense, and also to accept not knowing. I found your conversation about other universes quite interesting, because of course if we ever do find other civilizations, their view of religion and deity will no doubt be different. Hadn’t ever really thought about that, but it’s not a problem for me as I’ve not been part of the majority religion here. Thank for a very thoughtful post.
Judy Stone-Goldman
Where the Personal and Professional Meet
http://JudyStoneGoldman.com
You are quite welcome. I differ with your statement that God is not knowable. I think we are taught that when in fact, we can learn to know God by going within and experiencing the part of him that is in each of one of us. Yet I do believe that each of us will find our way to that knowledge when we are ready.
I can see I did not get my thoughts across clearly. I agree that in our inner, deepest selves, we connect to whatever that higher energy is that people often call God. But whatever we know, and however true for us, is still experienced through a human self that is — human. Whatever part of us may be that piece of divine, it is but a small window. (I have no doubt some spiritual masters have bigger pieces…) People do come to their own understanding, and who is to say whose understanding holds a concrete “Truth”? I am reminded of Plato’s shadows on the cave wall.
Okay, so we are on the same page once again! I love how we do that! I do believe that more than just masters can experience that knowing. I’ve met some and they say that once you have even the one experience, you don’t ever forget it. And your knowing becomes solid. That would be wonderful to experience. I’m shooting for that!
Julieanne, your post really resonates with me. Although I was never became an atheist, I too can understand why some people turn away from God because of religion. There is so much judgement in religion and so many different viewpoints of who is right and who is wrong. The love, compassion, and grace of God are lost in the judgement, instilled fear, and criticism. I admire you for your honesty and for sharing your personal story. I agree – “God represents an all-knowing, all-loving, all-compassionate being. God loves us no matter what we do or say.”
Thank you. I was nervous about this post. And yet I was compelled and I’m glad I did it. I have finally come to a peace with those who believe I’m destined for hell by my beliefs. Because I believe that eventually we will all see it. For years I used to joke and say there was only heaven when you died because this was hell her on earth! LOL! I don’t believe that now. Yet I do believe we can create our own hell here on earth. I say let’s move us forward to having heaven right here on earth. Thank you for commenting.
Namaste indeed Julieanne. Wishing you inner peace and joy.
Thank you, @facebook-1555608153:disqus . I appreciate you reading and commenting and tweeting it.
Everyone’s God is different, everyone’s beliefs are different, even in the same religion, church, family group. It comes down to experience, how we have lived. My personal belief is that MY God is no better or no worse than yours and how I interact with the divine and how you interact, different as these interactions are, is perfectly acceptable 🙂
That is all very true @facebook-1849590283:disqus. I agree with all that you said. We all have our own path.
Julieanne, this is so beautiful in that you have and had the openness to what spirituality means. Namaste
Thank you @google-27564805f8d52ca9c9f1ec2fc4582f73:disqus! It sounds like we are kindred spirits.
The god of my understand is very similar to yours but my experience is not. I always believed in God but I didn’t always think God believed in or cared about me. Now I know that to be true. I have a god of my understanding and it doesn’t if anyone else understand. And thank you for reminding me to return to that understanding and that relationship. It always makes a huge difference in my life.
Susan Berland
I’m still getting used to talking to God. I still tend to refer to Universe. And I agree that it doesn’t matter if anyone else gets it or understands it. I hope this gives others the permission to choose the God of their understanding. I just hope it’s a their choice and not a programmed one. But then again, that is their path and I must honor that too!
Beautiful article! I can relate to this. A few months again after an awakening, I wrote an article on how i grew up fearing God as a muslim.Thank you for sharing 🙂
You are quite welcome. We are all on the path and we all struggle with what we were taught. And to learn that a Muslim also feared God is something I never considered. We are all more alike than we are different. Thank you for commenting.
Hi Julieanne,
Thank you for sharing your story–your thought process and experience makes a lot of sense to me. It’s amazing how one question or thought can start a cascade of exploration.
By the way, also love your web site design and banner! 🙂
~Christina
Thank you, Christina. Yes, amazing how one question can start the cascade. I still question myself, my beliefs, what I hear. I want to be aware of hidden beliefs or programming and I’m working more to listen within for my answers.
I’m glad you like my web site design. I love these colors. And I wanted to keep the color and design consistent between my website, blog and twitter. Now to combine my websites into one. I’m dragging my feet on that!
I love discussions like this, Juielanne! For me, there is too much I’m grateful for, too many things that happen serendipitously to not believe in God. I think a lot of people feared God as kids because of strict religious teachings, but I look at God as love. My viewpoints changed as I grew up and started to see God more in the world. Thanks for the thought provoking post!
How fortunate for you, @google-f84fda7d25d4a115bd05660f7c838bf9:disqus to have seen God this way. I had a more circuitous journey and I’m good with my path. I find that I understand why others choose atheism or agnostic. I guess in one way I’m still a Deist because I believe in God in a different way but don’t believe in organized religions. Too many rules made by man. Few realize or remember that Jesus didn’t create a religion and especially about himself. Interesting how we can be programmed to believe in ways that may not hold truth!
Thank you for sharing this great post with us Julieanne.
It took me years before believing that God is everywhere within us and around us.
I could not understand why God allowed for wars and misery to happen.
Until I entered into spiritual coaching and little by little everything made sense.
Learning to trust that God gives us what we need and not always what we want was the 1st step to inner freedom and awareness that we are all one.
Yes, @710dd47ddee6bc6b4126817571c65292:disqus . I get that. Receiving energy work and then taking classes to work with in this area brought me to this and so many unusual experiences that I could not explain with the mind. There is a peace now when the mind is still. And ways to return to that peace. Thank you for commenting. Namaste.