Even with all my writing and videoing about the Art of Mirroring, something happened to me at the Reconnective Healing trainings that startled me. I’m always reminding people that we are all mirrors for each other. Sometimes I’m blind.
At the end of the Reconnective healing seminar, I got in the line to get my picture taken with Dr. Eric Pearl. I love listening to him talk. He’s funny, bright, astute, and sarcastic. He is also quite capable of pushing people’s buttons. So I waited until the line was pretty much done. My turn soon came and I got my picture taken with him.
A picture with Eric
Then I gave him a hug because I love to hug. Got that from my dad! As a result, I ended up looking into his eyes with maybe 3-4 inches between us. What I saw in his eyes blew me away. I saw the kindest eyes I have ever seen. I saw love and the smile in his eyes seemed to go down to his toes.
I later told a friend of mine whom I met for an organic dinner. The next morning I shared my observations with some of his staff. They nodded their heads in agreement. As I walked away, it hit me. I was overwhelmed by emotions because at that moment, I realized that he was my mirror. The tears began to flow. I felt humbled and I have to admit, I thought I had to have made a mistake.
But I heard myself saying: you can only see in others what you yourself have. This seemed too much for me to accept. Yet I had to realize that sometimes I am that. And I guess I’m also funny, bright, astute and sarcastic! And I push peoples’ buttons too! Ask my hubby!
I’ve had experiences like this in working with people, where I find it so energizing and at the same time calming to work with them. I am grateful, and feel lucky that I get to work with them, and then at some point realize maybe they feel the same way about me, that they get that kind of energy from me. I do think there are people who have gifts and power beyond what I have, although I cannot appreciate them if I don’t open myself to the parts that already exist in me. Finding and relating to people who can teach me requires that I acknowledge those parts in myself.
Sounds like an exciting conference and a real gift at the end for you.
Judy Stone-Goldman
The Reflective Writer
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com
Personal-Professional Balance Through Writing
Yes, we tend not to think about how we each affect the other when things are positive. Negatively, we notice immediately. We all have things within us that we find hard to acknowledge and I debated about writing this blog. Yet I knew if I had trouble facing this that others would experience similar things so I wrote it. I’m glad I did, too. Thanks for your comments. I always love to read your blogs and your comments.
What a beautiful meeting of great hearts, Julieanne. Sometimes I think that mirroring is a way we find the divine in ourselves and one another. I love how you describe stretching to recognize these beautiful qualities that are you.
Vicki, I love your comments. Yes, I didn’t think of it that way but I had to stretch. I knew that I can be kind but it was the degree of kindness I saw and felt that was almost overwhelming. That could be why it took so much time to realize I was looking in the mirror. I used to be very black and white and I know my dark side and I’m learning to see shades of gray. But I tend to not cut myself some slack. But I’m learning to do that too. By the way, does Joio translate to joy?
Wow, Julieanne, I had never really thought about that, but it is certainly worth thinking about! I have always thought that very often how people act around you is a reflection of your feelings about them or your feelings about yourself, too. I think that is why there are times when we misinterpret other people or have negative opinions about someone; I have been in situations where my reaction to someone was very different than the reactions of the person with me, and I used to wonder if it was because I was missing something, but I think it has more to do with the differences in how we both were thinking and feeling at the time. I love how you saw the love and warmth in Eric and it was obviously a reflection of that hug you gave him!
Actually I know what you are talking about. I have a friend who is always more open and accepting of others than I am at times. I think that you and I both see in that person something we don’t like in ourselves and that overrides the good qualities about ourselves we may see in them. Plus we are all trained to see the negative. Once you recognize what it is that you have that you don’t like and change it, the next time you are with them, you don’t see it even if they have it. Then you get a chance to enjoy them like your friend did.
Thanks for your sweet comments!
I totally relate to your experience, Julieanne. I think, probably because of my Alexander Technique work, I am more used to thinking about the negative effect of mirroring – where people are unconsciously taking on the habits (postural, for instance) and mood of those around them. With a little consciousness we do not need to do this. But of course you are right, it works both ways, which is a good thing too (and a great thing when I’m teaching a class!). And maybe if we can remember that we are also offering something that can be mirrored by those around us, it will help us be our better selves! What a wonderful realization you had that he was mirroring you. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks, Imogen. It was definitely an amazing and defining moment for me. And one I will remember always. I also think that if we are just our authentic self that we are much more capable of being a mirror. And whether it is something negative or positive, they are both valuable to the receiver just as it is for us. The mirror is a learning mechanism. The one is just more pleasant than the other!
I can’t say that I relate to seeing something in someone that is positive and being able to accept that I have the same characteristics, but I do understand not being able to accept my own positive traits. What I love about this is that I’ve always heard that when something bugs you about someone it’s because you have those same traits. I never ever thought about the fact that what I admire in someone is a trait I also possess. I love this new perspective!
I saw Byron Katie once in a farmer’s market. I went up to her and said I wanted to tell her how fantastic I thought she was. I told her all the things I admired about her and wanted to hug her. When she hugged me, she said “Well, I guess that tells me a lot about you.” I was stunned and elevated and happy all at once and said “Oh, I like that!”. That’s when I got it. And I remember that moment as if it just happened.
You have many wonderful traits as do I. We just need to forgive our dark side, accept and love the dark side as it changes and forgive ourselves for being human. Then we can all see the God spark that is in each one of us if we just look within!
Not sure that I met my mirror image person, but did meet someone at my part time job that I felt an immediate affinity for. Though I am older than she is, practically twice her age, I felt a kinship. We have the same sense of humour and the same outlook on life. She is also starting her own enterprise and her youthful enthusiam never ceases to amaze me. We encourage and support each other both for biz and life. We each other’s work BFF’s. So if she is my mirror than I guess I see the positve aspects in me as I see them in her. Thanks for the insight.
I don’t believe that anyone will ever be our total mirror image. I do believe that everyone we meet mirrors a piece of us back to us and we either hate that piece or like it. It’s great you have a BFF at work. Just remember that anyone who really bugs you is holding a mirror up for you to look at so you can recognize, change it and grow.
Thanks for your comments and you’re welcome for the insight.
Well, I have an easier time accepting that when I see stuff I like it’s also in me, but the bad…eewww – I hope not. I have had the experience that when I am consciously nice to someone it can turn an interaction around.
I’m the same way. I would much rather see the good than the bad. Considering I only saw my bad traits for many years! But I have a question for you. Can you be consciously nice to someone that drives you crazy, someone who bugs you and you can’t figure out why?
Yes, I know if I get angry in a situation, that I definitely won’t get what I need but if I take some deep breaths, remain calm and talk with calmness, I can turn it around. But if that person is reflecting a piece of my dark side? That’s tough for me when I’d just as soon strangle them! LOL!
Yeah, I can be nice to someone that makes me crazy – because I honestly believe people are made up of different parts, some good, some bad, so I try to focus on the good.
I’ve heard of shadows in terms of the negative things we see in others can often be a mirror of what we don’t like in ourselves. I’ve never thought about it in the reverse. But I do believe that you would not have been able to see such kindness in his eyes if it wasn’t a reflection because you would not have the capacity or awareness of the kindness. I’m so glad you were able to see this and accept it about yourself. It is often so difficult to recognize the good in ourselves. The interconnectedness of human beings is so complex. Where do we end and another begin? There is little objectivity because we bring ourselves (biases, attitudes, etc) to every situation. Thanks for the thoughtful post.
Thank you for your comments and observations. You have added to my awarenesses. And we are so interconnected. We have been taught separation and must now learn to acknowledge that we are all one and all deserving of love and kindness. I too remember learning the first time I learned that seeing something wonderful in another meant I had it as well. I’m glad I could open that door for you.
What a beautiful experience, what a wonderful blog! Thank you Julieanne!
I had never really thought of mirroring until recently. But I have always been keenly aware of the good things in people. From the moment I meet someone, I never let a preconceived idea of them even exist; I have always looked for the wonder in them, for the positive. Unfortunately, I have not been as accepting of myself and have easily ‘beaten myself up’ over many things – working on that!!! That is a journey in itself, but one that is well work taking.
Thank you again Julieanne! continued food for thought and lumber for the fire! 🙂 ♥
Lisa, you are amazing. To always see and look for the good in others and to see it. You have everything you see in others. Sounds to me like you have so much good. Allow yourself to feel that and love yourself. You can’t see in others what you don’t have! I’m working to always see the good. I have many years of bad habits and harmful training to let go. I’ve succeeded in letting go of many but a few remain. I’m so glad to be on this journey with you!
First, you look terrific in that picture! And, what an amazing realization you made. You are all the things you describe – the description fits you to a tee. A big softie really. I have recently had a similar experience with two of my girlfriends. It is powerful, you are very correct. I didn’t know exactly what it was until you described it here. Thank you for a very introspective and informative blog. Next time I see you, a big hug is in order!
I’m looking forward to the big hug. Yes, it is powerful. I’ll remember that moment just like I remember my encounter with Byron Katie. She gave me my first lesson.
Wow. Point taken and internalized… but remind me again later because I’m sure I will lapse and forget. Recently, I was commenting on friends’ posts about how amazing they are, how much they inspire, etc. Then one of them, a friend that I had an instant connection with at a conference of over 200 people (the same place I met Ann Evanston), posted back that I needed to stop writing as if I wasn’t the same as all of them. Sitting back and thinking about it, the things I’m am so grateful to them for are some of the same things that I’m finding I provide to others. This isn’t the first time I’ve read and learned about mirrors, but I’m still trying to accept that I am the person that others see.
You are the person you see in others. You can’t see it unless you yourself have it. It was hard for me to realize that and it’s taken time. But now I’m relishing it and it lifts me up. You deserve to see it because you are worthy. You have been worthy from the get go.
Julianne that is so beautiful and I have tears in my eyes. As I was reading this, I was quickly reminded of a time when I was at the Fearless Living Workship (3) days of intense, soul serching work was being done. We had this group activity where we had to go up to each person and just stare into their eyes. At first it was very scary because for a long time, I had been afraid to look people in the eyes because of my illness. I don’t think there was a dry eye, but the power, the emotional connections you shared with many others what so phenominal. It also didn’t help that there was music in the background witht the last name Noll, don’t know the first name, but I think the title of the song was, You are beautiful…It’s been one of the most remarkable experiences I’ve had with other people. To take down the walls and just look into their souls and not let it matter what was on the outside..but really look in.
Sounds like quite an experience. It’s also good to know that it can happen in everyday life too. We just need that moment to connect. Thanks for sharing.
I can’t say that I’ve seen my same characteristics in someone else, maybe I just need to be more observant and in tune. The people who I admire definitely have characteristics I would like to have in me, maybe seeing that I already have some of these will help nurture these traits. I like your post and its definitely something that I have to think about!
If you see them in another, you have them. You just haven’t accepted it or recognized it. I admired people for years thinking I wanted to be just like them, never knowing I most likely was. It’s all part of the growth cycle. So let me know now that you will be more observant. It will be fun to hear what you see and feel.
I have never seen anything wonderful about another person that I didn’t think was in me too. If I was to think of it at all. I seen plenty of crap that I refuse to believe is me. Tho, when those planes hit the twin towers and war was declared, I too ready to fight. It’s a beautiful thing.
That’s great for you! You know yourself and you see it everywhere! Whoohoo!
A beautiful story Julieanne. Many years ago I was doing an exercise where we were supposed to look at ourselves in a mirror. I was shocked by what I saw in my own eyes, so much grief, sadness, and anger. That raw experience spurred me on in my journey to heal my childhood wounds. Since then, I have learned about the importance of mirroring that occurs within the infant/mother relationship and how it influences the development of self and self-worth. Today, eye-to-eye contact is an integral part of my communication style and the basis for many wonderful moments of connection where I have experienced something about myself reflected in the loving eyes of another.
Maureena Bivins, PhD
http://maureenabivinsphd.com
“Curious, committed, and compassionate. What do you look for in a health care provider?”
That all sounds wonderful, Maureen. Just remember to include the positive of what you see as well. I couldn’t stand to look at my own eyes, Now I do it with a smile and sometimes a laugh. I see the laughter in my eyes too. Other times I see the questions. But it is so much easier to look in the mirror these days! Thanks for the comments.
What a wonderful experience for you! While I can’t say that I have experienced (or at least to my knowledge) this at the the same level as you, I do find that I often have moments of realization and clarity around my own business when I am talking to other business owners – especially ones that I partner with on a mastermind basis. It can be so hard to hold the mirror up to ourselves or our businesses and see past what we’ve always seen. Yet, when we see it as a reflection from someone else, it suddenly makes sense. I love the idea that I can also apply this to positive personal traits!
It is hard to hold that mirror and once again, we judge based on degree of what? that one has experienced more than we and therefore what? we don’t measure up? You have experienced what I experienced. You know what it is like to hold that mirror for yourself or others. Degrees of mirroring dont’ matter. It’s all in being willing to do it or to ignore it and think everyone is nuts. Congrats on what you have experienced. It all counts. And yes, we often neglect to see that the positive side is also valuable and at times, harder to accept!. Thanks for your comments!
How nice, I just love the aha moments, it sounds like you had one. You are all of those traits and many more. We have never met in person but I know this about you- here is why your a dog lover, your a healer, you have and incredible talent for painting your full of kind words and thoughts you are courageous and many more things but most of all you are a loving kind Spiritual Being.
@KirkZacharda:disqus , you are leaving me speechless here and that’s hard to do! Ask my husband. And you are making me stretch to accept what you say about me. I’m I don’t know what to say. Pleased, thrilled, stunned, overjoyed, and at the same time, think you’ve lost your senses. But if you are seeing that in me, I will accept it knowing that you two have all those traits or you wouldn’t be able to see them in me. Love fest? Maybe so but then so what? The truth is the truth! Namaste!