Double Delight from the garden
Is Valentine’s Day a necessity? Have you ever asked yourself that question? What if the greeting card companies had never created Valentine’s Day? Would you still believe you were loved?
What does one day matter? Why do so many put so much stock into what happens, what they were given, where they went, and what they were surprised with? The majority of those are women. Why are the men not getting special flowers or golf passes or special beers or taken out to dinner?
If your mate is abusive the other 364 days a year but does everything right on Valentine’s day, is that good? Does that get them a pass for the next year of abuse?
What if your mate does something special every single day for you but doesn’t do anything different on Valentine’s Day, does that count?
Then everyone checks with everyone else to see if they got the same, more or less. And if we judge it not good enough because someone got more, are we to feel bad? And how do we treat our partner if they didn’t measure up to our idea of how we should be gifted?
And heaven forbid, you are alone on Valentine’s. Horrors of horrors. Really? I’ve had it both ways. I’ve been alone and I’ve had special dinners, or flowers or a gift. It used to be important to me. It was my validation that I was loved. And even when I had someone, I could make myself and them miserable if it didn’t measure up to my expectations.
I’m happy I have someone to share my life who makes me laugh, makes me crazy, makes me smile and makes me be grateful he is in my life doing special things for me everyday or when he thinks I might like something or wants to show he cares with a surprise. And I do that for him because it’s more fun to do things spontaneously.
What are we teaching our kids or the younger generation? It’s a marketing day for jewelers, florists, candy purveyors and other shops dedicated to romance and gifts. Are you supporting them on the other 364 days of the year?
Valentine’s Day is for retail. I like my homegrown organic love who surprises me when I least expect it. Sometimes I even get a rose from our own garden!
How much importance do you put on Valentine’s Day? Do you get upset if it doesn’t meet your expectations? Or are you happy you get to go out to eat with someone you care about?
Great post Julieanne!
Unfortunately I believe Valentine’s Day has become the result of astute marketing that definitely benefits retail! One more measure by which people can find fault with their lives and partners, by which they can get into the comparison game. I think it’s such a shame because it’s probably a good day for people who are very shy to express their feeling, or for someone who has difficulty expressing themselves to convey whats in their heart.
I personally resent having to pay double or more for flowers! I resent the attempt to make me feel that I’m “not OK” if I’m alone, especially because I know that this does affect many people.
Give me 364 days of consideration, caring, spontaneity, laughter and sharing. You can keep that other one day!!! 🙂
@LisaValero:disqus , you get what I’m saying! It was astute marketing. My point is do these things often, if it makes you feel good, support the local businesses and express your caring and love toward another. Valentine’s Day celebration reminds me of Christmas where we profess to be all we should be each and every day but it’s relegated to a short time frame. Do it all the time. And even if you aren’t alone, there is that feeling of did I get shown the same amount of love or more? If it comes up less, oh, my! I will confess I used to do that until one day I thought why must he be the one to make reservations? If I want to go out and celebrate, then I can make the reservations and tell him. I began doing that and soon it began to change. One time we decided to make a special meal with each of us doing part of it and celebrated eating at home. What is done and where doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter if it’s done on the 14th of Feb either! Thank you for your comment! I am glad I was understood!
I have to say that although I’m currently single I am of the “it shouldn’t just be one day a year ” school. Although it’s nice to be spoiled I’d rather have a bunch of flowers for no reason as a surprise at another time!
I understand. I was single for many years and I used to want it all so when I had someone, they often didn’t measure up. Yet I remember when flowers arrived, it sometimes felt empty. It wasn’t until I let go of all expectations and began doing things for him as well, that it all began to change. And I began to appreciate what he does for me each day in little ways and sometimes in big ways. Thank you for reading my blog and commenting.
I put this in my newsletter: My husband and I don’t tend to celebrate Valentines day: we do it all year around. We actually call it “Hallmark Day” in the house, as we really do believe that Hallmark are the only folks making money out of it! The other 364 days of the year, we spend together, as a team, doing things we love with the kids and occasionally, on our own (though that is a rarity with a small family!)
This year though, we were expecting our third child, so we stayed in, hugged each other lots through the day, cuddled up in bed together at night. We have it all year around 🙂
That is wonderful! My husband does little things each and every day and then somedays he’ll come home with a treat from the store he thinks I might like. Or on hot days, he’ll take his orders to the FedEx and come home with small cups of our favorite ice cream. Congrats on your new addition to the family! Sounds like they will be entering a very loving home with loving parents! How exciting for all of you!
I completely agree with the problems you cite – overcommercialization, and then competitiveness among people. I was never someone to feel like something was terrible if I didn’t have a partner (whether Valentine’s Day or not), and of course now I’m very happily married so it’s not an issue. My husband and I do Valentine’s Day “light” – a few loving remarks to each other, and sometimes I make a card for him. My husband likes to say, “Every day is Valentine’s Day for us” – which of course to me is the most romantic thing ever!
Oh, @JudyStoneGoldman:disqus I so agree. That is very romantic. That is wonderful. Yet if so many of us feel this way, why does this culture persist? And so many suffer because they are either alone or their mate doesn’t measure up. Thank you for commenting.
We’re a small sample! The world is full of so many people – lots of them pining away, fantasizing off the images provided by the culture. Really a shame. It will take a lot of work across generations if anything is to change.
But maybe talking or writing about it will get this out there and more will learn to look at it differently. Got to have hope! It’s a start to have the discussion.
I don’t put too much stock in any holiday, except for birthdays. I love making someone feel special on their day of birth….the most important day, in my opinion. Love ya!
I understand that. Christmas was always my favorite time of year but now it’s not that important. Every day should be Christmas and Valentine’s. That’s what I think would be wonderful!
It’s interesting to read this post. It seems to have a couple of obvious messages, which I find fun in a world where usually there is one obvious message. Of course some of us can find hidden messages anywhere.
In our house we have fun with the silly little cards and that is it. I think it’s fine to pay $2.00 total for my kids to have fun. We don’t do the candy and in all my years of marriage I never got treated any different for Valentine’s Day. I told myself I didn’t care. I told myself that it was silly to call it lonely hearts day and such. Really I did care.
This year though, I have created enough self love over the year that I really didn’t need the outside stuff. I want to believe in a world that will be full of people that are full of self love. No one will need a Valentine’s Day because when we are full of self love we show more love daily to those around us.
Multiple messages? Hmmm, maybe there are multiple messages. I see so many those get upset because their mate didn’t get them flowers or even a card or didn’t plan dinner. I see many women expecting to be showered yet a relationship is composed of two people. The bottom line is the expectations. And expectations can set anyone up to be disappointed. I was one of those and for several years now I no longer wait for Ron to do anything. And I’m happier and he’s happier. He doesn’t disappoint me because I’m no longer waiting for the “sign” that he loves me. We verbally exchange our feelings frequently and hugs are an everyday occurrence. I like it when Valentine’s is every day. And yes, I agree that self love is the basis. It’s validating ourselves from within. Any other validation is then gravy! Thanks for commenting.