Keeping an observant eye!
I am always talking about looking for validation from within, yes? So why then do I forget at times and start stressing over whether so and so or what’s his name thinks about me? Did I do something to lose their love? The simple answer is I’m human.
I’d love to think that I don’t do that anymore, but I’d just be fooling myself! I had a call during the morning from a relative who was in the mode of being hurt, rejected, and feeling unloved. As I listened, I reminded them that what others thought of them has nothing to do with who they are. That when others act or say things that can appear cruel , that it all has everything to do with themselves and not with the person to whom it is directed.
Fairly soon afterwards, I found myself heading into that spiral of anxiety and worry. I kept questioning myself about what was going on with my emotions. The anxiety was building. I realized in questioning it though that the worry was dissipating. I wondered if had allowed the conversation to invade my field. I had entered the drama camp and began creating it my own in my head.
Overcoming anxiety can be accomplished but I was having some difficulty. I was either asking the wrong questions or I was not answering them with enlightened responses! This was not severe anxiety. This is the overriding anxiety that takes over your mood and makes you feel unsettled, unhappy. I couldn’t find my way back to choosing happiness and joy. I got busy. I began focusing on others, too.
Later in the day, I talked to a friend. I told her about my earlier conversation, some things that had transpired over the last few days. I was reciting the events but not getting into the emotions. I had become an observer. And in doing so, I saw it. I had begun looking for validation outside of myself! I wanted confirmation from others about me! I had slipped back into my old pattern. It happens easily.
When you look outside of yourself for validation, you give up your power to the other. In questioning my thoughts and in being the observer instead of the participant, I recognized it. As soon as I did, I found my center again.
I’ve decided to add an additional question to the questions I ask myself. Am I looking for another to approve of me? I also need to remind myself to be the observer. That makes a huge difference.
Do you do this to yourself at times? What do you do to stop the crazy making in your head?
Julieanne Case came from a left brained world, having been a computer programmer who worked on the Apollo missions and, due to circumstances orchestrated by the universe, joined the growing ranks of the right brained world starting in 2001. She became an energy healing practitioner in 2004 and has studied various techniques. She is a Reconnective Healing Pracitioner, a painter, and a blogger. She assists you in reconnecting to your original blueprint, your essence, your joy and your well being! ©Copyright Julieanne Case 2012
Often Julieanne, I am a people pleaser and so I am always having to stop myself from looking for that approval and be confident in my own self approval. It is hard and I am not sure I always believe my own opinion! I need validation of my validation! LOL At least we are catching ourselves in the act and that is the first step to accomplishing change.
Yes, people pleasing is a symptom of looking for validation outside ourselves. As I gain confidence, I find that my own validation is enough. It’s just the times I revert that I want validation from without and validation for my validation! LOL!. Awareness is the key! And we will succeed.
I do this so much it is crazy. Especially in my marriage. I make his opinion of me bigger than what I think of myself. Whoa…. my inner work for today will include being the observer for the rest of the day. It will be interesting to see what comes out. Thanks for making me see things from some different glasses.
Here’s a tip I shared today at a meeting, @d47d849b7d7a86b07127415884bc56ff:disqus . What someone else thinks of you (their opinion) is none of your business! And it is just that, their opinion, not fact. And if someone says something unkind about you, that says absolutely nothing about you and everything about them! So when you defer to another’s opinion about you, you are giving up your own power. Sending you a ton of love and hugs! Learn to love and accept yourself for the loving, kind, smart woman that you are!
I am thankful that my observer self is more active than ever these days. I love the empowered and compassionate tone of this blog. Julieanne. Drama camp made me smile, since I actually have great associations of a “real” drama camp, which was when, as a teen, I began to heal and come out of my shell
Thank you, @VickiDelloJoio:disqus . Yes, I bet you would know of a real “drama camp”!. Thank you for the compliment. It always amazes me that somehow I convey what’s in my heart. It’s so great to hear that others are getting what I want to communicate.
Sometimes those little gremlins raise their heads because they haven’t been played with recently. These days I have found giving them another worthy job satisfies them.
Thanks JulieAnne!
Sue Bock
http://couragetoadventurecoaching.wordpress.com