I was raised to fear God. Fear him if I didn’t do exactly what I was told by the priests, teachers and parents. Even when the commands were conflicting. I never questioned much about God then. At least I don’t remember questioning anything about God then. I was too frightened to question it.
Then one summer I came to California during the summer months between my college sophomore and junior years to take care of my cousin’s son while they worked. Cushy job. Evenings and weekends I could do as I pleased and they even lent me their car. I was a goody two shoes, so no shenanigans, going to the beach and parties, going out dancing. I was trusted and I didn’t want to betray that trust. It was the first time anyone had ever trusted me.
One Saturday as we sat on the patio in the warm California sun, we were having a philosophical discussion. My cousin’s husband asked me if I believed that we were the only civilization in the universe. I was rather startled at my response but I said that I just didn’t believe that we could be the only ones. It was arrogant to think that in this vast universe, we were it. I was so sure that we couldn’t be the only ones.
Then he said “What if we landed on another planet and we found another civilization but they didn’t have a Jesus Christ?” To this day, I don’t know why that question caused everything to unravel in my head, but it did. In a few seconds, I didn’t believe in religion anymore. In fact, I didn’t believe in God or Jesus Christ.
I went through a phase of being an atheist, then an agnostic to then becoming a deist. A deist believes in a God but not in religion. Even though I believed in God, I couldn’t use the term anymore. I would use the word Universe to mean God.
And now after many years, I’m returning to use the word God. But this time, God represents an all-knowing, all-loving, all-compassionate being. God loves us no matter what we do or say. Yes, even those that are in jail are loved by God. We have made God to have human attributes, to be judgmental and spiteful. God could not be vengeful for me. God loves with unconditional love and he loves everyone. Skin color makes no difference. It’s just a set of clothes for our souls. Race is just another form of separation, nothing more, as is sexual orientation.
Must you believe like me? No. However, I do want the freedom to believe like me. Having been an atheist and an agnostic, I understand why some turn to that. I’ve come to a belief system now that helps me see what many consider an injustice or tragedy with an open mind and an open heart. I can’t explain why they happen, but I also can’t judge them. I don’t have the vision or knowledge of the big picture.
I’m getting used to saying the word God again replacing my vision and characteristics of God to one I am comfortable with. I also don’t see God as being outside of me, a deity separate from me or any of you. I see God as the One from which everything sprang and to which we all return. And I see us as something similar to what a sun ray is to the Sun, we are to God.
God is everywhere, within us and around us. I don’t think there is an easy way to describe this. But I don’t need to describe it. It’s my belief. And I’m happy to be returning to God.
Namaste! The God in me honors the God in you.
Have you had a similar struggle? Did you ever question what you were taught?
Julieanne Case came from a left brained world, having been a computer programmer who worked on the Apollo missions and, due to circumstances orchestrated by the God, joined the growing ranks of the right brained world starting in 2001. She became an energy healing practitioner in 2004 and has studied various techniques. She is a Reconnective Healing Pracitioner, a Reconnective Artist, and a blogger. She assists you in reconnecting you to your original blueprint, your essence, your joy and your well being! ©Copyright Julieanne Case 2013